Just As I Was: Testimony of a Prodigal Daughter is published!

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01C2GFP3G?*Version*=1&*entries*=0

Surrender All

NEEDTOBREATHE - "More Heart, Less Attack" (Official Audio)

NEEDTOBREATHE - "Difference Maker" (Official Video)

Fast Track

Today on the Daniel Fast, I began to see how clearly the Word jumps out at me as I am focusing on the Fast and on spending this time in prayer and focus and worship of Him. I had some mild cravings today, mostly for sugar! but God gave me incredible strength to push through. I had juice with my early morning Bible time and prayer time...then had steamed carrots, sweet corn and mashed potatoes. For supper, I had a veggie pizza on whole wheat crust. Lots of water. But the food is the least important change.

I'm beginning to see that this time is a fast track to deeper intimacy with my Saviour. I have felt His Presence strongly all day long. All I want to do is worship Him, honor Him, draw Him to myself and rest in His embrace all the time.

Scriptures that once seemed dry, ones I've read hundreds of times, seemed to burn themselves onto the pages of my Bible today...leaping out to speak truth to me, truth that is amazingly RELEVANT to this day, this moment in time.

Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that You're my God. Truly.

Bless you, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, right this minute.

A Different Kind Of Worship.....

 Worship: it's what we do, as believers. But what does worship look like when you're hurting so much you can't even imagine doing it? when your heart aches with a grief so deep, you lose your breath, and you might die, you think you will die, right here and now? when you feel so alone, it is as if you are literally the only person alive on earth?

Sometimes you have to walk a rough road to a new kind of worship, one you may not recognize when you first see it, laid out plain and simple, no bright lights or shiny bits. This worship doesn't attract many people, because it doesn't have all the bells and whistles, it's not dressed up in its Sunday best. Rough. Hard. The kind you have to go to, search for, seek out...because it's not coming to you. If you haven't had heartache, if you've never known grief, if you don't know how it feels to sink to your knees in hopeless desperation and awful, unbearable fear...then you may not know about this kind of worship.

Because this kind of worship, the kind that might seem ugly at first, because of its plain, unadorned nature, is the kind that draws out the wounded among us. This is the worship, stripped bare, that is there for you when you've lost everything else. It's a place to hunker down, a safe haven when you're hurting too much to breathe, and you don't believe you can go on for ...one...more...second.

Hold on.
Breathe deep.

God is here, even in this blinding pain, and you will find Him here...when you stumble over to this place, when it's all you can do to crawl, when you don't have the energy to stand. Close your eyes, close your eyes, and lift your hands. Open your heart, open it wide, and do the thing you think you cannot do.

Praise Him. Thank Him, no matter what, no matter how much you're aching. He is here, in this brave, costly worship of Him. In this sacrificial worship, this worship that demands every last bit of your strength to give it, to be in it, to offer it up.

This is where you thank Him for the unthinkable. You are too weary to ask for anything, so you just spend time with Him. You lay your weary head on His lap, and you rest. You bless His presence by being in it with Him. No begging, no pleading, no asking for favors, blessings, mercy, even. You are in a new place...you are in a holy place...a place where the only thing shining is the look of love in His eyes for you.

This is the worship you do when your child dies. When you hold your mother's hand for the very last time. When your husband doesn't love you anymore, when he leaves without a word. This is the place you curl up in when nothing else has anything to offer you: you are too feeble to stand in a church, singing with everyone else...you are too afraid to be around others, because your pain is so deep and you know they don't understand. So you come here, to this dark, quiet road that He walked before you, when He gave His broken body for you.

This is the place where it's okay to cry. It's okay to weep. This is where you go when you have no more words, your heart is dried up, you can't feel anything anymore. So you kneel here. You face Him, your heart split wide open, and you find Him in your utter brokenness.

When you offer this kind of surrender to Him, when you need Him so desperately that you're willing to give up anything and everything to find Him, that's when this kind of worship transforms from ugly to beautiful. It started out disguised as grief, loss, death...but as you praise Him in the midst of it, as you lift your head, your heart, your hands to Him, as you honor and thank Him for this pain, He transforms it and you.

This is the kind of worship none of us want, but all of us need. It's the worship that says, at 2 a.m. when your baby goes to be with Jesus, it says, even then, "I trust You, my Lord. I honor You." It's the kind of worship that shines through you on the day you lose it all...your marriage, your money, your hopes and dreams...it's what happens when, even then, you struggle to your feet, shattered beyond belief, and trust Him anyway, you reach out for Him, and He draws you to Himself.

I love to stand in church, to raise my hands, to be with friends and worship my God, a smile on my lips, joy in my heart, warm peace all around. But the worship I crave, the worship that keeps me alive, is this kind of worship. The kind I do alone in my house when no one is there, or out on the walks with Beau, or in my car when I can barely see to drive for the tears. The worship that doesn't need a manual, a meeting place, or coffee and doughnuts. When I come here, when I worship in this way, it's me and my God, no holds barred, eyes wide open, heart in hand.

My favorite, absolutely favorite, kind.

NEEDTOBREATHE - "More Heart, Less Attack" (Official Audio)